


Offer

by face78



Category: Gintama
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Drabble, Dramedy? It wouldn't be Gintama without at least one dick joke, Gen, One Word Prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4115493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/face78/pseuds/face78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki finds himself between a rock and a hard place when a demon makes him an offer. Luckily, Gintoki's got help on the other side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Offer

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one word prompt I gave myself with a random word generator just to get back into the habit of writing and, as you can see, it kind of got away from me and wound up having very little to do with the word "offer." Mostly this just became "let's-mess-around-with-dead-characters" fun time, lol. Anyways, if you like it please let me know in the comments! I live for comments and kudos!!

“I think it’s time you see what a real demon can do, Shiroyasha”

Gintoki didn’t reply, he simply readied his bokuto, anticipating an attack.

The demon, however, made no move and shifted his stance so that he appeared more casual. The newfound expression of nonchalant distaste that crossed his face was a stunning contrast from the threatening aura he’d been emanating just moments before.

“But since I’d rather not bother with a pointless fight, how about I make you an offer, instead?” asked the demon.

“I’m pretty sure you don’t have anything I want, senpai” replied Gintoki, mouth smirking but eyes serious.

The demon laughed, flames flickering from within his open mouth. “On the contrary, kouhai, I think I do” said the demon, snapping his fingers.

Suddenly scenes from Gintoki’s life flashed before him like a movie: Shouyou-sensei, the war, Otose, that fateful moment when he’d met Shinpachi and Kagura, all the way up to the Shogun Assassination Arc, and all of the hundreds of one-shots in between that helped make up 58 volumes of manga, 4 seasons of the anime, and 2 movies.

“That’s a pretty good trick, senpai. You should talk to the animators, I’m sure they’d love to hire you. You’d make their job loads easier” said Gintoki, still focused on the demon in front of him.

“Ah, but I’m not finished” replied the demon.

And suddenly before his eyes, the scene changed. Kagura and Shinpachi lay on the ground at his feet, dead. The old hag and Catherine were screaming from inside a burning snack shop. Katsura and Takasugi lay dead, seemingly having killed each other. The Shinsengumi were disbanded; the chief and vice chief having been executed for treason with their heads left on display as a warning. The Mimawarigumi seemed to be running the show now and the new police force had left Kabukichou a ruin. Everyone he’d known: Hasegawa, Saigou, Tsukuyo and Hinowa, Otae and the cabaret girls, Kozeniigata, Tatsumi, and on and on; they were all gone or dead, their bodies littering his path.

“Is that supposed to be the future if I don’t make a deal with you?” asked Gintoki, tightening his grip on his bokuto.

“No, it’s a little more immediate than that” replied the demon, casually.

And as his vision snapped back to the present, Gintoki looked down and saw Shinpachi and Kagura on the ground bleeding, and in the distance smoke from a distant fire curling towards the sky. It was still small from the look of things.

The demon snapped his now bloodstained fingers that had somehow managed to punch through Shinpachi and Kagura effortlessly without him noticing, and said, “It really doesn’t do to get lost in daydreams like that, Shiroyasha. You don’t have much time to make a decision before it’s too late.”

“What is it you want, anyways?” asked Gintoki, swiping at the demon in a fury.

The demon dodged skillfully, saying, “Willing to listen, are we? What I want to know Shiroyasha, is if you would offer me your soul in exchange for these brats’ lives and a rundown snack shop.”

Gintoki laughed lowly and dangerously, an unnerving chuckle that nevertheless managed to sound unconcerned. “My soul? Is that all? Take it, I’ve got two spares right here,” he said, gesturing to the unconscious Kagura and Shinpachi.

“Deal” said the demon, snapping his fingers once more.

Suddenly, there was no demon where he’d been standing a moment before. The sky was clear, the reddish tint and smoke having gone with the demon and, most importantly, Kagura and Shinpachi were no longer bleeding, but rubbing their eyes sleepily as if they’d simply decided to take a nap in the middle of the street.

Gintoki blinked. He didn’t feel any different. He thought to himself that if the demon really had taken his soul, then it seemed like Gintoki’d certainly gotten the better end of that bargain. But already Gintoki was having trouble remembering why he should be feeling different, anyways? Shrugging, he nudged Kagura with his foot, saying, “Oi, oi. What are you two doing down there? Have you sunk to Hasegawa’s level, sleeping in the streets like a madao?”

Kagura and Shinpachi suddenly snapped back to life, loudly refuting the claim, and the Yorozuya’s cheerful bantering could be heard all the way back to Otose’s.

~

From a nearby rooftop the demon watched the Yorozuya leave, their squabbling fading into the distance, when suddenly a cheerful voice asked from behind, “What are you doing bothering my precious student, demon-san?,” while another, more serious voice, said lowly, “You shouldn’t have meddled with Master Gintoki.”

The demon turned around and saw an angel with long hair and an unnerving smile on his face and a shikigami with red eyes staring at him accusingly.

“So the Shiroyasha has friends in high places, eh angel-san?” he said nodding towards the man. “And friends in low places, too, it would seem” he said, this time nodding his head towards the red-eyed woman.

“I may be just a shikigami, but there will be an army of us should Lady Cristel find out about this” said Gedoumaru.

“He’s got plenty more friends besides us, too, it would seem” said Shouyou, motioning to the figure that was now standing behind the demon.

“He’s certainly gained himself a guard dog,” said a smiling Kyoujirou, the stunned demon turning to look behind him.

“And someone waiting for him on the other side” said Rei, appearing from the ether. “A lovely woman named Mitsuba told me on her way to heaven that she left her brother’s friends a gift. You’ve disturbed a soul protected by a sister’s gratitude, and I have no doubt that that woman’s the type to come back from heaven just to kick your ass” she said matter-of-factly.

“A komainu, an angel, a shikigami, and a spirit with connections on the other side?” said the demon, shrugging and shaking his head with an insouciant air, “I give. I know when I’m beaten.”

The demon turned to go when he suddenly found himself with Shouyou’s sword poised just below his ear and heard from behind him in a low voice, “If you would be so kind as to give my precious student back his soul.”

At Shouyou’s request, the demon turned redder than normal and looked down, mumbling something under his breath too low to be heard.

“What was that?” asked Gedoumaru firmly.

The demon spoke up louder, embarrassed, and said sulkily, “I said I couldn’t take it, anyways. Not really. It was in too many places.”

Irritated, Kyoujirou commanded, “What does that even mean? Spill.”

The demon sneered and said, “Jeez, for spirit beings y’all sure are pretty blind to spiritual resonance, ain’t cha?” gesturing all around him. “Take a look around. That guy’s soul is all over this town! I tried to take it, but it was too big, so I left it. Too much of a hassle to try and contain” he finished, trying to regain his poise.

“Then why heal Kagura and Shinpachi…?” asked Rei, trailing off in confusion.

“Eh, what can I say?” said the demon, smiling. “I’m a gambling man and it’s only fun to play against someone willing to bet their soul.” There was a brief pause before he continued, “Besides, he is my kouhai, so I suppose I should try to be helpful” he finished, winking, and disappeared into thin air.

Once the demon was gone, the other spirits looked at each other in awkward silence.

Shouyou rubbed the back of his neck nervously, saying gently, “Umm, I’m Yoshida Shouyou, Gintoki’s sensei. How do you do?” and bowing low.

There was a brief silence before Kyoujirou seemed to come to a decision and, mirroring Shouyou’s actions, bowed and said, “Nakamura Kyoujirou. Good to meet ya.”

There was a pause where the two men looked expectantly at Rei before she simply said, “Rei,” in a low voice.

The other three turned to face Gedoumaru, who stood looking confusedly from one to the other before asking in a maliciously innocent tone, “Ummm, who are all of you people? I missed the early arcs and I’m afraid Master Gintoki never mentioned any of you.”

At Gedoumaru’s words, Kyoujirou balked, shouting, “What!? He didn’t mention his old pal, Kyoujirou!? My arc was one of the saddest in the series next to the whole starving dog thing!” and pointing to himself frantically, as though to jog her memory.

There was a small laugh from Rei who spoke up quietly, sounding smug. “Sounds like you got usurped by an actual dog, eh guard dog?”

Kyoujirou pointed at her accusingly. “And who are you to talk, Mrs. Weak Presence? No one even remembers the Stand Arc!” he shot back.

“Now, now, let’s not fight…” said Shouyou calmly, holding up his hands to signal for peace, when suddenly Gedoumaru let out an astonished “Ah!” and clapped her hands in realization.

“Now I remember! Master Gintoki did mention you!” she said.

“Oh well, I suppose I was a big part of his life for a while there…” said Shouyou, humbly trailing off, but sounding pleased nonetheless.

“This is you, right?” said Gedoumaru, pulling out a wanted poster of Katsura.

Shouyou snatched the paper from her, shouting, “Just because we both have long hair doesn’t make us the same!” while behind him Rei and Kyoujirou huddled close together.

“Oh my, who’d have thought such an important character was really just a tsukkomi all this time?” whispered Kyoujirou to Rei conspiratorially.

Shaking her head sadly, Rei whispered back, “How sad. And he’s already got so many other long-haired characters to compete against… There’s no way he’ll be able to keep up with such a worn-out schtick, but I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“Quick gorilla-author! Before my image is ruined!” cried Shouyou, floating upwards in a ray of light. He just barely managed a graceful exit and was quickly hidden by the clouds.

“Tch. I thought this was supposed to be a serious fanfic” said Kyoujirou, turning to leave. “I figured this would be a good time to remind everyone how moving my arc was, but if this is turning into a comedy, I’m leaving” he continued, waving behind him as he walked into the distance.

“Hmm, it seems this one’s done for,” said Rei, disappearing as quickly as she had appeared before.

“Hmph. Those babies can’t handle the comedy arcs as well as the serious ones” said Gedoumaru, turning up her nose proudly. “I was in the Shikigami Arc and the Christmas one-shot. Looks like I win” she said, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

 

Elsewhere, Mitsuba waited impatiently on stand-by with all the other one-off characters.


End file.
